The “S” Word (Selected Scripture)

            I want to discuss something that is a rather touchy subject, one that I am still learning about yet I think I know enough to bring it up.  I want to talk about the “S” word.  For a feminist, this is quite the swear word.  Yet for a believer, this word is our lives.  The word is “submission”.  I want to discuss it in all contexts, but namely marriage.

            Ephesians 5 tells us to be submissive to one another (Eph. 5:21).  The first example that Paul gives us is a wife to her husband (Eph. 5:22). I think that we all know what submitting is so I won’t go over that or get into any definitions or meaning.  First and foremost we, as believers are called to be submissive to each other, then Paul states that wife are to submit to their husband and husband to their wife.  Husband to wife submission is found in Eph. 5:21 simply because we are told to submit to one another as believers, this includes husband to wife and wife to husband relationships.  We are to put the needs above our own.

            This system of submission has a deeper purpose and significance in the marriage institution that God has established.  The man is told to submit to the wife through verse 21.  In what way? The woman has needs, emotional and physical, and simply put the husband is to fulfill those needs, putting them ahead of his own.

            The wife is called to submit to her husband (Eph. 5:21-33; I Peter 3:1).  In what way? Simply put the man has needs, physical and emotional that the wife is to put his needs above her own and fulfill his needs before her own.  But there is another area for the wife to submit to before her husband.  That area is spiritual leadership.  Paul writes, in verse 23, that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church.  In Ephesians 5, Paul compares the marriage institution to the Gospel, so if one or both are not submitting the Gospel is mute in that marriage.

            Submitting to the leadership is probably more difficult.  Spiritual leadership is the conflicting point.  The man is called to be the leader, the initiator and the woman is called to submit to that role of his.  Men have an unfortunate view and ideology of what spiritual leadership is, which makes it very difficult for the woman to submit to.

            As men, our spiritual leadership to our wife and family is not only to be actively involved in their growth but to be making the decisions that are best for the family and not just ourselves.  We are to get our wife’s input and think about what she is telling us concerning our decision.  We are to most certainly pray about the advice that she is giving.  Men, our wife is not just simply for cooking, cleaning and sport (Gen. 26:8 [though it reads otherwise, the text means “sporting”]), she is a wise woman with intellect and wisdom that will far exceed your own in many areas (Prov. 31:10-31).  Our blatant disregard for women has been the main issue in the feminist movement and arguably the biggest problem in marriages today.

            Women, now it’s your turn, what does submission to his spiritual leadership look like? It is ultimately submitting to his authority, yes.  BUT wait and hear me out! You prayerfully give your opinion and insight.  Your give the pros and cons in your eyes.  At this point he has two options, his or yours.  You leave the decision to him.

            Now ladies and gentlemen you all have married, as Tommy Nelson has said “damaged goods”.  Meaning that we are all sinful and NOT perfect, as much as some may think that they are.  We are fallen human beings (Rom. 3).  He is not always going to make the right/best choice.  My ladies, when he makes that wrong decision, and he will!, it will not be the time to say “I told you so” and spaz and complain at him.  But rather it is time to pray for him and continue to follow his leadership.  Always keep in mind that when you do submit, without complaint, to your husband, ladies you are following God’s commands and will be dutifully rewarded.  The husband, on the other hand, when he is not listening to his wife and hearing her opinion, he has to face God, not going to be fun.  He has to suffer the consequences from disobeying God.  He has to deal with God for his mistake of disobeying the Sovereign Master.

            “Now Jakob, this is all good and interesting, but come on man.  This is all for the perfect and ideal marriage.  There is no way that this is even possible.”  And I wholeheartedly disagree.  I do believe that this is possible.  I do believe that a “perfect” marriage is possible.

            Hear me out again please.  God’s Word makes it clear that we are all sinners and none of us are perfect (Rom. 3).  However God’s Word also makes it clear that we have the power of the Holy Spirit to do good in us (Eph. 2:10) and we are a New Creation in Christ II Cor. 5:17).  Also the “system” of marriage is to be fulfilled unconditionally.  Without forgiveness, there can be no love.  We are to forgive one another, unconditionally just as Christ forgave us as sinners (Col. 3:13).  Our love and respect for one another is to be unconditional.  We will fail at both of these, but as long as we do them regularly, this is the picture of the perfect marriage, humanly speaking, until our Sovereign Master takes us away.

            I know that I brought up a sour subject, but it is in God’s Word and God’s Word is Truth.  John MacArthur has stated that Ephesians 5 has the best discourse on marriage.  I respectfully disagree with him and say that Song of Solomon is the best discourse on marriage.  This is a widely misunderstood book, but I suggest everyone to read it with the help of Tommy Nelson and his sermon series or book on Song of Solomon.  I believe that Song of Solomon is in fact the best book on marriage and Nelson tackles it well.  He takes a good literal, historical-grammatical hermeneutical approach and explains everything well.

            Again, women you are not to be dormant in the marriage and your opinion is to be heard and respected.  Men, you are to love your wife and lead her with a servants heart like Christ loved the Church.  May He be the Perfect Example in your life!