I want to discuss something that is
a rather touchy subject, one that I am still learning about yet I think I know
enough to bring it up. I want to talk
about the “S” word. For a feminist, this
is quite the swear word. Yet for a
believer, this word is our lives. The
word is “submission”. I want to discuss
it in all contexts, but namely marriage.
Ephesians 5 tells us to be
submissive to one another (Eph. 5:21).
The first example that Paul gives us is a wife to her husband (Eph.
5:22). I think that we all know what submitting is so I won’t go over that or
get into any definitions or meaning.
First and foremost we, as believers are called to be submissive to each
other, then Paul states that wife are to submit to their husband and husband to
their wife. Husband to wife submission
is found in Eph. 5:21 simply because we are told to submit to one another as
believers, this includes husband to wife and wife to husband
relationships. We are to put the needs
above our own.
This system of submission has a
deeper purpose and significance in the marriage institution that God has
established. The man is told to submit
to the wife through verse 21. In what
way? The woman has needs, emotional and physical, and simply put the husband is
to fulfill those needs, putting them ahead of his own.
The wife is called to submit to her
husband (Eph. 5:21-33; I Peter 3:1). In
what way? Simply put the man has needs, physical and emotional that the wife is
to put his needs above her own and fulfill his needs before her own. But there is another area for the wife to
submit to before her husband. That area
is spiritual leadership. Paul writes, in
verse 23, that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head
of the church. In Ephesians 5, Paul
compares the marriage institution to the Gospel, so if one or both are not
submitting the Gospel is mute in that marriage.
Submitting to the leadership is
probably more difficult. Spiritual
leadership is the conflicting point. The
man is called to be the leader, the initiator and the woman is called to submit
to that role of his. Men have an
unfortunate view and ideology of what spiritual leadership is, which makes it
very difficult for the woman to submit to.
As men, our spiritual leadership to
our wife and family is not only to be actively involved in their growth but to
be making the decisions that are best for the family and not just ourselves. We are to get our wife’s input and think
about what she is telling us concerning our decision. We are to most certainly pray about the
advice that she is giving. Men, our wife
is not just simply for cooking, cleaning and sport (Gen. 26:8 [though it reads
otherwise, the text means “sporting”]), she is a wise woman with intellect and
wisdom that will far exceed your own in many areas (Prov. 31:10-31). Our blatant disregard for women has been the
main issue in the feminist movement and arguably the biggest problem in
marriages today.
Women, now it’s your turn, what does
submission to his spiritual leadership look like? It is ultimately submitting
to his authority, yes. BUT wait and hear
me out! You prayerfully give your opinion and insight. Your give the pros and cons in your eyes. At this point he has two options, his or
yours. You leave the decision to him.
Now ladies and gentlemen you all
have married, as Tommy Nelson has said “damaged goods”. Meaning that we are all sinful and NOT
perfect, as much as some may think that they are. We are fallen human beings (Rom. 3). He is not always going to make the right/best
choice. My ladies, when he makes that
wrong decision, and he will!, it will not be the time to say “I told you so”
and spaz and complain at him. But rather
it is time to pray for him and continue to follow his leadership. Always keep in mind that when you do submit,
without complaint, to your husband, ladies you are following God’s commands and
will be dutifully rewarded. The husband,
on the other hand, when he is not listening to his wife and hearing her
opinion, he has to face God, not going to be fun. He has to suffer the consequences from
disobeying God. He has to deal with God
for his mistake of disobeying the Sovereign Master.
“Now Jakob, this is all good and
interesting, but come on man. This is
all for the perfect and ideal marriage.
There is no way that this is even possible.” And I wholeheartedly disagree. I do believe that this is possible. I do believe that a “perfect” marriage is
possible.
Hear me out again please. God’s Word makes it clear that we are all
sinners and none of us are perfect (Rom. 3).
However God’s Word also makes it clear that we have the power of the
Holy Spirit to do good in us (Eph. 2:10) and we are a New Creation in Christ II
Cor. 5:17). Also the “system” of
marriage is to be fulfilled unconditionally.
Without forgiveness, there can be no love. We are to forgive one another,
unconditionally just as Christ forgave us as sinners (Col. 3:13). Our love and respect for one another is to be
unconditional. We will fail at both of
these, but as long as we do them regularly, this is the picture of the perfect
marriage, humanly speaking, until our Sovereign Master takes us away.
I know that I brought up a sour
subject, but it is in God’s Word and God’s Word is Truth. John MacArthur has stated that Ephesians 5
has the best discourse on marriage. I
respectfully disagree with him and say that Song of Solomon is the best
discourse on marriage. This is a widely
misunderstood book, but I suggest everyone to read it with the help of Tommy
Nelson and his sermon series or book on Song of Solomon. I believe that Song of Solomon is in fact the
best book on marriage and Nelson tackles it well. He takes a good literal, historical-grammatical
hermeneutical approach and explains everything well.
Again, women you are not to be
dormant in the marriage and your opinion is to be heard and respected. Men, you are to love your wife and lead her
with a servants heart like Christ loved the Church. May He be the Perfect Example in your life!
